Five Stages
by alexanndria
Summary: Keiko had loved Yusuke all of her life. But he ended it. This was her time to figure out what to do with herself now that he was gone. They say that grief is expressed though five stages. She knew that for sure now. YusKei YusKur
1. Denial

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. If I did this story would be canon. And alas it's not so infer as you see fit. **

**Summary****: Keiko loved Yusuke all of her life. But he ended it. This was her time to figure out what to do with herself now that he was gone. They say that grief is expressed though five stages. She knew that for sure now. **

**Warnings****: Some naughty words. Angst. Pretty tame. **

**Author's Note:**** This idea came to me out of no where. I wanted it to be short and sweet, since I'm trying to finish my other story. I'm pretty much finished with this one and I hope you like it!**

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><p>'<em>No I don't believe you when you say you don't need me anymore. So don't pretend to not love me at all'<em>

_~P!nk_

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><p><strong>;; D e n i a l ;;<strong>

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><p><em><strong>November 21, 1998<strong>_

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><p>The sun was beaming above them - almost mocking them with it's jovial disposition. The birds flew overhead. Their loud cries reaching her ears - like small parts to one large symphony. She wished to be as carefree as them.<p>

_And today had started off as such a good day too._

Keiko looked at her feet as she saw them move in front of her. One after the other - somehow moving on their own accord. She snuck a glance at her walking companion. He stood with his bag slung over his shoulder - slowing down his pace to keep up with hers. His face was turned up towards the sky - basking in the rays above him.

A sigh. "Keiko."

When Yusuke had told her he wanted to talk, she knew what it was about. It was a long time coming - she knew that in hindsight. She was still trying to figure out of she blamed him or not.

"Keik-."

"There's this new exhibit at the museum. We should go. I heard it's going to be very interesting." Maybe if they didn't talk about it things wouldn't change. They would stay the same - she wouldn't have to deal with this pressure in her chest.

"Keiko." He tired again. He always used that tone when he was frustrated she knew it well - but he had never used it on her.

"Or we could go out to eat. We haven't done that in a while - we could get your favorite. That th-."

"KEIKO!" She stopped in her tracks and finally willed herself to look up at him. His eyes were closed - he was probably feeling regret for yelling. _Good._ He had never lost his temper with her before. She didn't want to hear what would come next. She didn't know what made her stop and listen to what he had to say. She could run away? Maybe tomorrow would be different. He would think it over and realize his mistake.

"I think we should stop seeing each other." The way he said it made her blood run cold. That was it. No flowery words. No drawn out speech. Then again, Yusuke had never had a way with words. But, the fact that he could end it so simply hurt her. She could almost feel the dagger in her chest. It felt as if someone was stabbing her over and over again.

"Don't do this Yusuke." She sounded so pathetic to herself. So meek. This wasn't her - she wasn't this girl. _Is this what she would be reduced to without him?_ "Please don't do this.

Keiko pushed her face into his jacket - grabbing on for dear life. Maybe if she held on tight enough he wouldn't leave. She felt the tears coming, fighting them wasn't working anymore, so she gave up trying.

Yusuke pulled her away from him gently. His eyes were sad - maybe he didn't want to do this. Maybe there was still a chance.

"You've been pushing me away. Ever since I came back, yo-."

She didn't know what it was - but something in her snapped. All she could see were her own tears. Wet and full of salt. Full of unspeakable emotions.

"I'm not pushing you away! I'm holding on for dear life!" Keiko could hear her voice shrill and broken. It reeked of desperation. But she couldn't stop. "All I wanted is for you to love me."

He just started at her - almost in some sort of pity. Pity! Towards her - the one who stuck by him through everything? _How dare he?_

"Why didn't you try to contact me while you were away?" She placed her head into her hands. Her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably at this point. The tears were overtaking her - but she was too far-gone to care. "I waited for you! And now look where it's gotten me? I know you fuck up everything in your life - but why did you have to fuck me over too."

She didn't stay to hear what he said after. She didn't even look at his face - the pity disgusted her. Was he was calling for her? She hoped he was.

Although she was sure he wasn't.


	2. Anger

'_I wanna write a song about our love, but there is none.'_

_~The Working Title_

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><p><strong>;; A n g e r ;;<strong>

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><p><em><strong>December 25, 1998<strong>_

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><p>"Kampai!"<p>

It was Kuwabara's annual holiday party. Even though it was a western holiday - the Kuwabaras' never gave up the chance to throw a party. On their trip to the States a few years ago, he had fallen in love with the notion and was determined to bring it back home.

The melody of the music was defining - mingled along with the rowdy party guests trying to yell over it. Keiko was surprised the Kuwabaras' neighbors hadn't complained yet. There were empty bottles everywhere. Under couches. On tables. Even ornamenting the tree. It was a great time.

Keiko was in a different world. Her checks were flushed because of all the alcohol she had consumed. She was happy she decided to let loose - this was the most fun she had in almost a month. She forgot all about her problems and all her pain. Swaying back and forth to the music she was in nirvana. Keiko never wanted to leave this place. _Never._

She could barely feel it when Shizuru lifted her up from her place on the ground. Keiko embraced her - muttering something about the comfy floor. She merely laughed at the younger girl - smiling at her disposition.

"Time to get you home kid."

"Another!" Keiko yelled as the started to tread into the cold night. She shivered as the night air hit her. "Cold!"

She stopped suddenly when Shizuru halted without warning. "Whhhaaaat?" Keiko looked up - she felt herself sober up a bit at the sight.

He was wearing the scarf she had given him for his last birthday. He had asked her not to get him anything - mostly because he wouldn't be able to reciprocate. But she was determined. She saw it and thought of him immediately. It was a forest green color - his favorite. She told him it matched his eyes perfectly. He had kissed her - again and again. He promised her whenever it snowed it would wear it. It should have brought her comfort that he had at least kept one of his promises to her. Somehow it didn't.

There they were. Hand in hand. Standing completely still under her stare - afraid if they moved, she would completely lose it. They were right to a certain extent.

She hated the way he wore his hair now. Probably because HE asked him to. She also hated the way he blinked at her with those eyes. He never used to hide his emotions from her. HE probably thought him how. Those cold calculating eyes that she had never trusted. With good reason.

There HE stood with that unemotional look on his face. She wanted to punch it. HE didn't deserve Yusuke. HE hadn't stood by him every single day. HE hadn't waited for him. HE hadn't been there. It was her. From the beginning - HE had just come and taken him away. This was HIS fault.

She crushed her fingers in her fist. She was shaking. Anger was overtaking her. She was sure she was going to do something foolish - but she didn't want to stop herself. She needed this.

"How dare you show up here?"

"Keiko." Yusuke's voice held a warning tone to it. So he was sticking to HIS side was he? _Fine, let it be that way. _

"You have no right to talk to me!" She rounded on Yusuke - her finger in his face. "How dare you bring your whore here? He doesn't being with us. Why don't you take him back to the bottom of Makai where he came from."

Someone else had to have been speaking for her. She couldn't control the words that came out - it was a simple case of classic word vomit. She continued to yell - likened quite a bit to a child having a tantrum. She couldn't tell you what she said - the anger mixed with the after affects of the alcohol was working as a sort of amnesia.

She continued like that - pushing off Shizuru's attempts to pull her away. She had grabbed the scarf from Yusuke's neck. He didn't deserve to wear it. She had given it to him to wear with her. Not this new fling he had taken up. Then he spoke.

"Stop now - and maybe you'll be able to keep some shred of your dignity. Right now you look pathetic." She deflated - her arms falling to her sides limply. She looked towards to concrete before she faced the bright chestnut ones she so missed.

Kurama walked past her - making his way up the porch. He opened the door with a merry smile on his face as if nothing had happened. Like he hadn't just defeated a young girls spirit. Yusuke looked at her and shook his head before brushing past her as well. He didn't even look back to see if she was okay. To see of she needed him - like he always had. No matter what the situation was - she took pride in knowing she came first.

And that hurt more than anything anyone could ever say to her.


End file.
